Five Minute Friday: Finding my Voice

First time for everything, today I'm joining in the five minute Friday writing community over at Lisa Jo Baker's site  where we write for five minutes flat on the given prompt. Today's prompt: Voice 

I don't always know what is, this voice of mine. I write in the quiet, in the stolen moments and the deliberate moments. A little oasis of calm and sorting of thoughts. 

It doesn't seem to fit into any one catagory, and I don't know how to label it. The box lid doesn't always fit. 

But I write still. 

To capture the moments, if for no other audience then myself. To remember what they wore, how they looked and how simple yet complex life with two little girls can be. 

I sort out my ponderings, many just sit in drafts, afraid to be that honest and real out in the big world of the published blog post. 

But this is my voice. I can't not write. 

I write to find clarity, to inspire others, to share snippets of life. 

I write for myself, and in being true to myself I find my voice. 

I listen to His voice, the still small quiet voice. And remember that to everything there is a season, it won't always be twisting thoughts and wonderings. 

And through it all, I write. And I find my voice. 

Just Live

Every now and then grief hits. It hits hard. Your world gets rocked, shaken, and sometimes falls right apart so that you have to start all over again. 

I've been there. And I'll be there again. It's part of living in a world that was never meant to last forever. 

Grief didn't hit me this past little while but rather it hit people close to me. And its still hard. 

I went around for a few days in a bit of a fog. I did the things that were necessary for living but I didn't live. I was numbed by all the pain that I saw around me and I wondered when it was going to hit me. When would I be the one asking for prayer and pleading with God? 

And as I'm slowly learning to do, I left it all alone. I can't solve those big problems, I can't answer the questions that come when the house is all asleep, I can't make everything all better. 

I took some time this weekend to just be quiet. Inside. I let all the worry and the confusion and the fears go. It's a choice really. A choice only I can make.

I read this article earlier today and it helped bring some more perspective. Go ahead and read it, I'll still be here and it is worth the read. =) 

I have these moments, this day. I've been given life and strength. I don't know when something hard will come and shake me to the core, none of us do. But we each do have a choice to live the life that we have been given. To take the time to really live.

 

Love on those littles. 

Go for that walk.

Hug that husband. 

Send that 'hey, I've been thinking of you' email. 

Make those cookies and enjoy the messy kitchen, floor, toddler and self. 

Ignore the lists of stuff to-do and just play, read the books again and again. 

Just live. Embrace Today.

26

I started this little tradition last year when I turned twenty-five. I shared 25 things about me. It was fun and also illuminating to me as I actually sat down and listed some of my dreams, opinions and just fun trivia. I thought it would be a fun little tradition to continue, if for no one else's sake but my own. To see how I've changed and what new things I list. 

Birthdays have always been an interesting time of year for me. For quite a long time I have written a journal entry on the eve of my birthday reflecting on the past year and looking forward to the new year. Sometimes I set goals, sometimes I don't. And so last night, I grabbed a few minutes while Jared put Khaira to sleep to write about my 25th year; all the experiences and twists our journey has taken, the struggling and the fighting for joy, the sheer beauty of each day. There was so much beauty. It colored everything, even the hard bits and there were a lot of hard bits last year. 

So here you go, ten things about Breanne.
( I decided that I would make it an even ten each year else it could grow to be quite the list over time!)

1. I adore children's books and love that I now have an excuse to linger long in the children's library.

2. I try to see the beauty in each day, even when the day seems like a royal mess.

3. I have a wanderlust. International destinations make me giddy inside even though I resist change when it comes.

4. I love to decorate and set the atmosphere in our home through decorating. 

5. I love shopping at farmers' markets and locally owned, unique shops.

6. My two girls bring me more joy and delight then I could have ever imagined. 

7. My husband is my best friend; he watches chick flicks with me, listens to me talk on and on, lets me cry and encourages me to dream. And buys me the most incredible birthday gifts...but that's another story for another time. ;-)

8. I love long, one-on-one talks

9. Someday I would love to own and run a children's bookstore, just like in You've Got Mail

10. I am delighted by the simplest of things....leaves falling, a flower, watching my girls, time with family and delicious food.

And, because I'm all about lists these days, what are some things about you that not many people know?

Real Life

My hair is damp from my morning shower. It is now 12:26pm. I drank my morning coffee around 11. We had breakfast before then. 

And my day started before that. My job doesn't require me to be showered, dressed and ready for the day and work  by 8 am.  

I'm not sure when my day started. It was one of those nights. I was up every couple of hours putting a wide awake little girl back to sleep. I will never have coffee at night again. Or was it the chocolate? Maybe the combination. 

I made breakfast and added to the pile of dishes by the sink. From last night's supper. We didn't do them. We opted to curl up on the couch and watch a movie together. After our baby was in bed. 

Her daddy got her dressed while I boiled the water for oatmeal. We didn't do our workout. The 30 day shred isn't a 30 day shred for us. 

But we smiled. We laughed. Her giggles filled the living room as I swung her around. We discussed freedom in Christ and what that means for us as we read part of Galatians and then moved onto modest and humility as we read a portion of Worldiness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World. 

  

The dishes got done. The kitchen is clean and quiet, until I go in there to prepare lunch which is little prep for me. Sweet potato and black bean chili from the freezer and yesterday's banana bread. The violin is being practiced and the baby is sleeping. 

Real life is what happens when you're making plans. I read that quote this week and found it amusingly true. We're just living today as it is. And enjoying it because we can. We're together. We're healthy. We're happy.  And that works for me.

What does real life look at your house? How do you enjoy it?   

 I was so blessed and loved by all your comments, messages and posts on my facebook and blog, thank-you. =) It was so special to be loved and to celebrate my day with so many friends, thank-you for making it special. It really and truly meant a lot to me. I cried. And it was a beautiful thing. I'm excited to tell you about my day and share the memories with you all. Kind of like prolonging the loveliness. 

We all slept in, even Kilmeny, which was a treat. Jared then told me what the first surprise of the day was, we were going out to Cora's which is fast becoming our favorite special breakfast destination. It was started here in Montreal  and has since expanded across Canada. The food is really good, the presentation is impeccable and the fruit is fresh. 

We decided to go out of Montreal and see a little bit of the surrounding countryside on our drive. Outside of Montreal, English is not commonly spoken which added to the memory of our breakfast out. Halfway through our meal, a waitress came over and asked us something. Thinking that she asked us if everything was good, we nodded and then she started taking our plates away. We said no, sorry we're not done. She felt terrible and all the staff gave us smiles as they passed us. It was rather humorous but it was a good reminder to us to clarify everything before agreeing to something. =)   

Kilmeny slept the entire time despite the full restaurant and we enjoyed being able to talk together and just be together.

 I had 'raspberry 4 lucie', a delectable crepe filled with raspberries, English cream and raspberry coulis. It was just as yummy as it was beautiful. 

We came home for a bit, read together and then got ready to wander around Old Montreal. The cobblestone streets, the old style lamps, the little cafes and shops, the walled gardens make it a wonderful place to wander and drink in the history. 

After a subway ride home, we got changed for our evening out. It has been such a gift to have a friend who is willing to watch Kilmeny for us, it's enabled us to have some time out together just as a twosome. This was the first time that Kilmeny really cried when we left, she is definitely getting older and understanding more.  

 We went to a fondue place which was a first for both of us. When we stepped in the door, I could see a bouquet of flowers on one of the tables and thought, 'how special' and then we were led right to that table! I was floored, Jared had ordered a beautiful arrangement for our table since it was my 25th. We had so much fun together. The manager walked us through the process and recommended menu items to us and told us to take our time. I love to sit and savor and talk while I eat and fondue was a perfect choice to do that. It was all very good. We split a dessert of profiteroles which were absolutely divine. They put sparklers in the profiteroles since it was my birthday. I was so excited and watched the sparklers that I didn't get a picture of them all ablaze. 

We lingered long, talking, remembering, dreaming and enjoying a special celebration. It was a wonderful day.

25

It's November. It's grey and chilly and rainy. Just like November should be. Often seen as a depressing month, it's never been that way to me. It's the time to check out heaps of books from the library, bake cookies, pull out all those projects that you were saving for the winter and stay close to home. In my family, it's always been a month of celebration. We have three birthdays this month. And Jared's family has two. We're celebrating all month long. 

My younger sister and I are two years and ten days apart. We're two of the November babies and we have shared a lot of birthday celebrations. Until we got a little older and couldn't decide on the same menu. Actually we just wanted to have our birthdays so we could celebrate twice. We used to wish we were twins and pretended that we were when we shared our birthday celebration. 

My birthday is this Sunday. I still get this giddy feeling inside when I think about my day and love all the special things. I see everything on that day as a gift whether it's blue sky and sunshine or snow. I've already received some early birthday gifts and notes and those make me feel so loved. I thought it would be fun, since I am turning (gasp!) twenty-five, to share twenty-five things about me.  I really don't feel twenty-five but it normally takes me a little awhile to adjust to my new age. ;-)

So, here you go. 25 things about Breanne.

1. I really love just living life. I like to identify myself as a liver of life when that question comes up. I prefer to be seen that way than being defined by what I do. Although I admit to copping out and saying I was studying  world history a couple years ago because that generally switched the topic to one I enjoyed.

2. I like dancing in the rain, cheering at fireworks, waving at trains and doing other sometimes-slightly-embarrassing-for-those who-are-with-me things. Apparently I also like using run-on sentences. 

3. A mini-Cooper is my dream car. I just can't decide if I want a baby blue one or a red one with white stripes.

4. I've never felt called to raise a large family and it's never been my dream to drive a big van full of kids.

5. I'm a big believer in living in the now rather than always hoping for the next stage, i.e. as a single letting marriage and family consume me, as a mom letting the desire for another child consume my thoughts and conversation.

6. I love the Narnian chronicles.

7. I really like Audrey Hepburn.

8. Simple things thrill me like lamplight in the evenings and a good cuppa tea.

9. I love getting all glammed up for a date with my husband.

10.When I was younger, someone thought my younger brother, my younger sister and I were triplets. We're actually all two years apart but it was a fun five minutes...

11. If I could, I would have a whole closet full of shoes, for every occasion.

12. I'm a bit of a coffee snob.

13. If I were to get another piercing, I would pierce my nose.

14. A lot of people seem to think that pursuing music is Jared's thing and I'm just going along with it but we actually made a decision in New Zealand to pursue music, together. And every decision we make about music is made together.

15. I really love to cook and bake. I get excited about cooking for events that involve lots of people. And I get just as excited making dinner for the two of us.

16. I love being part of a large family and marrying into a large family.

17. I tend to hide behind what I feel people's impressions of me are. If they think I'm cute and sweet, I act cute and sweet. That's my defense tactic when I feel insecure.

18. I really love striving for a healthy lifestyle- eating local, organic produce, grass-fed meat, baby-wearing, natural health remedies etc.

19. I am passionate about God's view of woman and find it very liberating.

20. I love being a mom. It is one of the hardest and yet best things I have done.

21. I love my family fiercely and since I'm married, that includes a lot of people!

22. Jared is the man of my dreams and so much more. I love him with all my heart.

23. I treasure honesty in relationships and strive for transparency in my own life.

24. I really love New Zealand.

25. My ideal afternoon would include a book, a journal, a hot cup of something delicious and a few quiet hours.

Excitement and a to-do list
 

I'm excited. Tonight I get to go see my favorite violinist play. He's sitting as assistant concertmaster which means I can see him really well from the front row. I will stay in the auditorium the whole concert long since Kilmeny will be spending the evening with some dear friends. I've known Liz basically all my life and so it's fitting that our daughters start their friendship as young as possible. I'm excited that we have friends that are so willing to watch our baby for us so we can have some 'just us two' time. 

The baby in question is now sleeping. I have a list that keeps on growing in my notebook/journal/planner (which I want to tell you all about in a post, someday!). I really shouldn't be on here when I have a list like that but in my defense it does say 'blog post' right on that list. And I didn't just write it now so I could cross it off. ;-) 
I  was a busy beaver this morning working on Kilmeny's scrapbook hence I have scrapbooking stuff spread everywhere which really should be cleaned up before I leave.

I have several different things I want to blog about, including my amazing younger sister who is due to deliver her first baby in a month. If you could pray for her, her husband and the baby, we'd all appreciate it. The baby is in the breach position and it needs to move. Thanks! =) Oh, their names are Caleigh and Stephen.

I love evenings like this when I get to get all gussied up for my man. I'm wearing a dress, something I don't normally wear when I have Kilmeny with me because as a humourous experience taught me, I can't feed her in it. At least discreetly. I'll stop there. 

I'll be spending a little more time in the bathroom, checking my hair, fixing my makeup and hey, I might put some sparkly stuff on as well.  

Okay, I need to run now. I hope all your afternoons are filled with excitement as you enjoy the moments!