the gift of the hard times

Sometimes, the words come readily. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes there's time and quiet and a refreshed spirit. Sometimes there's not. 

But, all of it. It is all a gift.

Sometimes you miss your own family so bad. And friends. And the freedom to cry and share and know that she will understand you whether it's teething or tantrums or late nights or style quandaries or emotional roller coasters. 

And sometimes? You step out of your comfort zone and accept an invitation to a bonfire even though your husband is out of town and you have to be the parent, the extrovert, and yourself. Sometimes, you push the stroller all the way up the hill and join in celebrating a little friend's birthday. And through the laughter and sugar-induced excitement and the freedom of little children, you feel small roots going down and friendships becoming. 

And it is all a gift. 

p.s. I wrote this last week but never shared it, Jared is away again this week but I have my brother visiting. I'll share more from our adventures later this week. Thanks for being here. 

On Moving and Loving

In less then a week we will be boarding a plane. We'll have checked our bags, stashed our carry-ons, and settled in for the flight. 4 hours later, we'll be on the other side of the country. 

A place called Nova Scotia. A place we'll call home. It's already become home to us. It's the constant answer to my two and half old's questions of where, what and why. 

"In Nova Scotia, darling."

The goodbyes are starting to be said. 'Till next time. 

We've been living out of suitcases for a month and half already. Living with my in-laws, traveling for work and pleasure, tying up loose ends. 

We'll be repacking those suitcases come Monday, making sure it all fits within airline regulations. 

There's no checklist for emotions. No list of feelings one must feel when one moves across the country. It's been a roller coaster ride of excitement, anticipation, nervousness, mingled with a little fear of the unknown. 

Tears have been shed. Laughter has filled the air. I've grabbed moments and held them close, memorizing faces and places. 

It's not always easy. This business of packing oneself up and moving. But the hard stuff isn't to be feared, it's all part of the journey. 

And so I embrace it.

We went for a Walk

 Living with the in-laws as we are for this time before our big move, there is always lots of company for what ever activity is going on. Walks, water fights, egg gathering or just talking in the kitchen.
But on this particular day I wanted to go for a walk with just my girlies. Actually I wanted to get a couple miles in before it got too hot and I lost all motivation to do any sort of work out. My double stroller and the hills around here give me the resistance my body needs. I always come back renewed and refreshed. We started out strong. I was booking it, the girls were happy... and then Kilmeny asked to walk.

And I let her.

  The entire tune of the walk changed. I think we all took deep breaths.

I slowed down. My physical pace and my mental pace. I actually noticed what was around me.

The slight breeze dancing amongst the birch leaves setting them all a-flutter. The delicate white butterflies weaving in and out of the flowers.

The rich smell of hay being cut. The faint hum of the constant tractor. The beauty of innocent childhood. The fullness with which my daughter embraces life. The sweet sound of baby giggles.

I decided to let Kilmeny set the pace. She threw rocks and picked flowers. She ran ahead and then slowed right down and wrote in the dust on the road. She watched butterflies and dragonflies. She experienced a thistle. She identified the colors and textures of all the different flowers we picked. She splashed rocks in the water. 

 Khaira felt all the textures of the rocks, first one and then the other. Passing them from hand to hand as if she were weighing them. She laughed, delighted to be outside and free to explore as much as she can by crawling. 

We walked the two miles. We experienced the two miles. And I made a memory, captured a day with my girls. Summer 2012 will always have a faint smell of hay, with the whisper of birch leaves now in our memories.

Riverbend Gardens on a Sunday

I am currently sitting on the floor, surrounded by boxes. We're almost ready to move out of this place, my brothers in law are coming on the weekend to move all our stuff to my inlaws, where we'll be living for the summer until we fly out to Nova Scotia. I needed a little reprieve today so I re-visited a favorite day of mine from May. It has become one of my happiest memories from this last little bit. Do enjoy along with me! 

It was a Sunday. The sky was bright blue with lots of fluffy white
 clouds. It was the perfect day to go to the country. And so we did.

My smile grew bigger and bigger as we drove out of the city into the country and down roads I had never been before. I love discovering new places and this one was practically in our backyard. We drove down gravel roads, keeping our eyes peeled for the bright green and yellow signs that would direct us to Riverbend Gardens.  
We've long enjoyed their produce at our local farmer's market and when the opportunity came to show them some support and visit the gardens where our veggies are grown, we were all over it.

 I love the earthy smell of freshly plowed fields, misted over with the slight-ish green tinge of baby plants. It was a treat to walk over the farm and see how well-cared for everything was.

I oohed and ahhed over all the flowers, being very tempted to buy a huge lot of them but reality won and I came away with a bright orange gerbera daisy to brighten my windowsill until we move. I satisfied my beauty craving by taking pictures and enjoying the other people who were setting up their window boxes full of blooms.

 

A highlight of the day was taking a wagon ride through the woods. We climbed up behind the bright red tractor and set off. Through the woods and  along the river. Past an old apple tree in full bloom and sun-bathed clearings in the woods.

The girls were thrilled to be outside and they loved the wagon ride. I loved seeing their bright faces and exchanging smiles with my man over their heads. 
We left with our gerbera daisy in tow, quite happy and more passionate then ever about supporting our local food scene.

What are some of your happy  moments from this last while?

Project 365- Week 17

May 29-June 5 

1. A quick family picture, this is one of my favorite shots of us. Just happy and outside and together. 

2. A trip to the doctor resulted in both girls being on antibiotics. Not my first choice but it seemed to clear up the infections. 

3. And with the antibiotics, I upped our yoghurt intake by quite a bit! 

4. Beautiful tulips that Jared bought for him, and his picture of them. 

5. Love this picture of my girls sharing life and books together. Their jammies are adorable and I love being able to capture moments like this. 

6. Late-night cuddles with the Khaira-baby. 

7. Chilling at Mosher Sr. house. 

 

Project 365 - Week 16

May 21-28

1. Blowing bubbles on a Saturday while Jared cut grass for a friend. 

2. It had been a long week, the kind where little sleep happened and naps just didn't happen. I went for a walk and the girls fell asleep, so into Starbucks I went and had a wonderful refreshing time while they slept. Such a gift. 

3. We spent the long weekend out at Moshers and I tried out their bike trailer. It was quite fun although heavy with all three little ones squished in there. Khaira wasn't crazy about it but Kilmeny was thrilled. 

4. It was just one of those days to curl up on the couch, the girls weren't feeling tops so we just had a slow day. 

5. Introducing Khaira to avocado....a whole-hearted experience! She didn't eat it as much as experienced it. 

6. I love this picture of Khaira sleeping. Finally. It took a long time but oh, we both felt so much better after she slept. 

7. Shopping with my big girl, it was so fun to be out with just Kilmeny. She would not look at the camera but I think I love this picture more. It sums up so much of who she is at this age. 

 

Jammies and Rubber Duckies

It was a Saturday night. I was busy bathing the girls. We don't have an actual bathtub in our hobbit hole so it's always a bit challenging. My baby gets scrubbed down in the kitchen sink with her older sister watching. And then we fill up a rubbermaid bin in the shower for my Kilmo-girl. She loves it. They both do.
I don't always. I see it more of a chore, something to get done right along with jammiesdiapersstorykissesgoodnight.

And then I breathe. 

But this last time I took a little time. I always make it fun for them, but I made it fun for me as well. I took time to watch how their eyes looked, and the sweet smell of freshly washed skin. I let them play a little, clad only in a towel and even that vanished when Kilmeny started dancing much to the delight of Khaira.

I laughed. I took some pictures, trying in some futile way to capture the utter essence of my girls in that moment.

 

I got the girls in the jammies. I gave them books to look at while I tidied up. I stopped and watched them. I love little ones in their pajamas, there's something so precious and huggable about them. They also tend to be rather cuddly at that time, whether they want the cuddle or just want to prolong bedtime is always up for debate!

I read Time for Bed and Good night, Moon. I brushed Kilmeny's teeth, and brushed her hair. I gave her a kiss and off she went to dream land snuggled on her Daddy's shoulder.
My baby was not going to go down so she joined us in the living room. While I was bathing the girls, Jared was out grabbing some stuff for our in-house date night. We sat on the living room and feasted on simple bread, cheese and prosciutto.

It was a pretty ordinary Saturday night but those ordinary times are the most beautiful to me and those are the memories that we look back on.  


Do you have a favorite bedtime story?

Small Celebrations

I'm celebrating today. All the little things that make up my everyday life. The occurrences that happen and then they're gone. I'm choosing to celebrate today, in all it's realness. Join me?


My little girl painting her nails, I think she sported three different colors by the time I got to her. Is she not SO cute?

 

The fact that I can cook for other people. I get to do what I love and fit it around my girls' schedule. It also totally stresses me out, one of those ironic things about being an artist. We love it and we hate it.

My small kitchen. A total mess. I'm not even kidding. The counter is covered in dishes.

Kilmo had granola for lunch while I put the finishing touches on the client's dinner. She loves granola, I make it healthy on purpose, and it kept her occupied when I needed her to be quiet. 

My two healthy adorable girls. I love them more then I can say. All the crazy, frustrating, precious moments. Long nights, long days, and no naps. But they are worth it.

Tea. What can I say? Some days I drink a lot of tea, it's one of my little refreshments. Today was one of those days.

The fact that I have lots on my heart to write but I don't have the time except to do little bursts like this one. But, I can write while my girls dance in the living room. And their giggles give me fuel to go on, choosing to see the beauty in the mundane.

Oh, and that I can take pictures throughout the day and then edit them on my phone while I feed my baby. I.love.that.
Someday, I'll use the 'big camera' but right now I'm just glad to capture life.

Friday Moments

 Fridays are for getting outside and enjoying the bright blue sky and soaking up the sunshine. For celebrating little things like first swing rides and being able to clamber all over the playground without fear. For hope and birdsong and the fresh smell of spring. For shopping with Mummy and sharing lunch with Daddy. For soaking up all the little, crazy, beautiful moments that make up life. 

Enjoy your weekend, friends, and all the lovely messy bits! 

Counting the Gifts

427-440

short nights with a stuffed up little baby

lots of cuddle time during the night and the day

a toddler who keeps me moving all day long

the way she laughs and loves to help me with everything

the look of satisfaction and delight as she cracked yet more eggs "help you, Mummy!"

the vocabulary that is increasing on a daily basis for my Kilmo-girl

the humbling realization that I have two little people constantly watching me

 

my husband's grace when I'm short on patience and sleep

a community Valentine's party 

a chance to dress up and go out together

family close by to watch our little ones

 Starbucks coffee on a Sunday morning

stimulating conversation

seeing smiles through grief and hurt

a blue rose for all the reality and the romance of the life we share together from my warrior-poet

worship and letting everything else fade away 

 

Weekend Plans and These Present Moments

If last week was one of those weeks, then the weekend was one of those weekends. And today is Monday. 

I love Mondays for the redemptive qualities of picking up the house after the weekend busyness, cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry, and all the other little household tasks that need to be done to keep it all running smoothly.

We had great plans for our weekend. We planned out our errands, printed out coupons, and made sure we had our gift card to a favorite tea shop. But the van that had just gotten a complete check-over and fix was making some weird noises. And they got weirder the longer we drove around. So we cut our list short and drove home. And re-arranged the rest of our weekend plans.

My husband drove (cautiously!) to another mechanic before work this morning. And mid-morning the call came. The lug nuts on our front tire were loose. In light of all what could have happened and didn't, the upset of our weekend plans seems pretty minor. We're all here. Alive. Healthy. We have this moment together.

And I'm counting my gifts again. Stopping and realizing what I have within these four walls, this present season.

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a simple dinner party to cook for

long morning naps and quiet toddler to make the cooking much easier

the absolute fun and delight of creating new recipes

long walks through the River Valley

free Starbucks to warm us up

 my little toddler's delight at being able to walk in the snow

the way she calls to every dog, "come, Ginger!"

how safe and secure my baby is, worn in the Ergo

coupons for stuff that I was actually going to buy

the way Kilmeny smiles and shivers with delight when I tell her we're going shopping

trying on clothes just for the fun of it

a new shirt for a few dollars

the fun of house-sitting for neighbors with a hot tub

learning again (and again and again) the patience needed with little ones

in-house dates with tea and chocolate cheesecake 

having both of us home when both girls cry and need us.right.now

staying up late, walking the floor and trying to get the baby to sleep

listening to her breathe as she finally drifts away

 fresh milk and coffee (!!!) delivered to our door by my father-in-law

the way Kilmeny serves tea to each of us and delights in the sharing of her tea set

 the way Khaira absolutely adores Kilmeny

hearing them giggle together

texts from my husband and lunchtime phone calls

 inspiration for long winter days

a van that runs and a trustworthy mechanic



I'm blessed. Really and truly.


What moments from your weekend are you taking into this next week?

Kilmeny Turns Two!!

 

 My little Kilmo-girl turned two! We got to celebrate with Jared's family which was very special. It was, as everything else was this Christmas, a rather low-key party as even the birthday girl wasn't her usual exuberant self but it was a celebration. From the day she was born, it's been very important to me to make Kilmeny's day a special day not just leftover from Christmas which being right after Christmas can be a bit of a challenge. Kilmeny had no clue what was going until the cupcakes came out and she blew out the candles. 

Now if you ask her if she is two, she replies with 'birfday' and will probably start singing Happy Birthday.

Fairy cakes made by my mother-in-law. This was very special to me. I really wanted to make these for Kilmeny's birthday but spent the whole day sick on the couch. Jared's mom stepped in and had all kinds of fun making these. Aren't they darling?

When Kilmeny heard the title of this book, Grandma Loves You, she started kissing the cover. So cute!