On a day when I wanted to write about slowing down and savoring the moments, I find myself stirring oatmeal at 7:30am.
Still not quite awake but needing to be awake for my little girl who is very much awake and ready for the day. I kiss my husband goodbye and muster the motivation to do the next thing which would be to get myself ready for the day.
I bustle, trying to accomplish too many things in too short of a time and we go out the door. Little girl all excited about an adventure in the van. I am not excited but worried and frustrated with many things.
And then there sitting on a white couch, sipping chai rooibos tea, I feel at rest inside. This is what it means to let go. To not worry about everything. To know that some things just aren't that important and they will still be there tomorrow. But these moments, these moments of morning snuggles with jammie-clad girl, of lingering goodbye kisses. These moments of tea and cookies and refreshing conversations. Of little boy and little girl playing nicely together, each in their own world.
Of hearing the strong heartbeat of the expected little one and feeling its feet against my skin.
Of a friend's generosity in giving of herself and her honest friendship.
Of having my husband put our little girl to bed and then shoo me out of the kitchen so he can clean it up.
These moments won't be here tomorrow.
Sometimes I get panicky and want to hold it all in, I want to freeze life as it is right now. But I take a deep breath and enjoy what I have and then let it go. Let the beauty of the moment pass through me. There will be more moments tomorrow even if they are sandwiched between a fussy toddler and dishes to wash and little energy.
I want to remember that. I want to savor each moment. I want to be all here.