I get panicky sometimes. I feel like there is so much swirling around me and I just want to stay still and remember these moments forever. I am often reminded to treasure these days, these times because they go so fast.
And I want to stay and watch the afternoon light play across the face of my little four month old. Sleeping on the couch because she wouldn't sleep anywhere else but after some snuggle time with Mummy, she fell asleep and I gently lowered her on the couch. I love the way she frames her face with her arms. She's my thumb-sucker, that's for sure. She loves to comfort herself with her thumb or sometimes her whole fist. Must be a second-born thing. I was the same way.
I want to watch and memorize the way my almost 2 year old dances every time she hears the music. I want to learn the melodies that she moves with. The way she closes her eyes and sways gently matching the emotion of the music. Or the way she leads out with her hand and twirls around the living room. Or the way she boogies it up when the music plays faster.
I want to always be able to soothe my little baby the way I can now. Holding her all wrapped up like a little sausage, swaying back and forth, forwards and backwards, in a darkened room trying to get her to sleep. The way she pops her head up with her eyes so bright, just when I think she's asleep. And she's so cute and adorable and I'm so tired and frustrated but I kiss her and rock her some more.
The way my little inquistive, doesn't-miss-a-beat, toddler is constantly 'helping' me. She runs for the other broom and helps me sweep the floor, the look of delight on her face outweighing the initial sigh of frustration as she sweeps right through my dust pile. Or she stirs up a bowl of dishwater while she's standing at the sink with me, filling the measuring cups up and dumping them in her bowl. Or how she runs for her doll when I put my baby to sleep and stands in the room with me, holding and rocking her dolly. And whenever my baby cries, she is right there with the binky. And when she cries, she asks for chocolate. (I seriously don't know how she made that connection. )
And oh, the words that she is amassing on a daily basis. And the way she copies us. "Help, you?" "Hold, you?" "Change, you?"
And the way we can relate, standing in a circle, relating story after story of our tinies. The laughter fills the room and my brother-in-law says it best, "oh the times, oh the times!"
They will go fast, I have only to look at my own younger brothers ( no longer little) to be reminded of this fact. It's about living each day intentionally. Making the most of each beautiful moment. And living in it. Not worrying about how I will remember everything and the memories I want to make and preserve. Holding the relationships with an open hand, drinking deeply of our times together.