Deep breaths and Apple Butter

I wrote this post a couple of weeks when I was feeling pressed in at all sides and just needed to process some thoughts. This is the edited version. The other version got copied and pasted to my journal. I still need this reminder. It's getting closer to Christmas, I still have some gifts to put together, baking to do for a customer, and all the regular stuff of the every day. Dishes, laundry, meals, tidythehouseagain. If I'm not careful, I'll miss it. Those precious moments, the crazy late nights, the beauty that is right here but I can't see it because I'm living three days ahead. Take a deep breath. We're running out tonight after supper to pick up two last gifts and making an event of it by cashing in a coupon for Coldstone Creamery. The girls will be out late, in their jammies, we'll eat ice-cream in December and we're making a memory. Now off to finish up stuff before the girls wake up! =) 


I took some time to breathe today. 

 I poured my coffee into my New York Starbucks mug (never mind, that it wasn't piping hot anymore, it was coffee), topped it off with some cream from my in laws' Jersey and got a piece of biscotti. Of course, I ended up pouring some of the coffee into an espresso mug for my little Kilmo-girl and we shared the biscotti. 

I carried the mugs into the living room. We sat on the floor, munching the biscotti and sipping coffee until it was all gone. I had to fight the urge to grab my planning notebook so I could jot down some gift ideas for Christmas and maybe even finish my menu planning and shopping list. But I didn't.

I just sat there, cross-legged and quiet. I listened to the prattling of my little girl and watched her big eyes get even bigger as I gave her some biscotti. I sipped my coffee and she sipped hers, the smile growing across her cheeks as she mimicked each of my actions. 

I took deep soul breaths and just lived those moments. And let everything else slide away.

I don't have all the answers for the questions that keep swirling in my head. I don't have the time each day to do all the things that I think I should or all the things that I would like too. I don't know how to always balance all the roles I play or even have the headspace to give full attention to all of them.

And will  I ever really know the answers? And maybe that is the point. That I don't need to know all the answers. I can't resolve everything or make everything all better. That  is a burden not intended for me to carry.

I take deep breaths. And I give myself some room. Room to be quiet and not get everything done each day. I give myself time. Time to just sit on the floor and look deep into the blue eyes of my baby, eyes just like her Daddy's. Time to stack the blocks and sort them according to color and cheer when my little toddler signs all the colors. Time to simmer some rosemary apple butter and let its aroma fill the house.

Rosemary Apple Butter (makes about 2 1/2 cups) {adapted from here)

• 10 apples of your choice, peeled, cored and roughly chopped.  (I used Jonagold and Spartan and just cored, and chopped them)
• 3 cinnamon sticks or ground cinnamon, a healthy sprinkling
• 1/2 cup apple cider or water
• juice from one lemon (or just lemon juice if you're all out of lemons)
• 1/4 cup honey
• 3 sprigs of rosemary (or more depending on how big they are) (or just a healthy sprinkling of rosemary, use your own judgement)

Place all ingredients in an oven safe pot on high heat. Bring liquid on the bottom of pot to a boil and the simmer for 45 minutes stiring occasionally. Remove rosemary stems (you want some, not all,  of the pieces of rosemary to fall off and remain in the sauce....this will happen naturally as your stir) and discard cinnamon sticks.
Remove from heat, blend, if desired for a smoother consistency. Place in 9x13 glass pan and let bake in a 200 degree oven for 4 hours or until it reaches your desired thickness. Stir occasionally.

When done remove from oven and store in jars for 1 week or longer if you go through the canning process.

Enjoy!